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Reflections of the Way Life Used to Be? Or Should Be?

So its been ages since I have taken to the internets with my thoughts. So much has kept me from it, a new romance, a new job, a growing roster of friends, and new additions to my extended family. So many wonderful things have been going on that it seems almost wrong to be reflecting back on where I am at, and being a little sad at the state of my life. Don't get me wrong, I know I am a lucky girl. I am surrounded by an ever increasing group of people who are wonderfully smart and talented and love and support me unconditionally. I have found someone whom I love, and loves me in return and we are setting to endeavor to make a life together, having recently found a new home, and we are both eagerly anticipating the impending move.

So like me perhaps you will be stunned to fine that a social networking site, yes, its true, Facebook, is responsible for the whammy that slammed into me like a load of bricks yesterday afternoon. Like many, I have recently been re-connecting with so many people from different stages in my life, elementary school, high school and beyond. One of my friends is a woman I went to high school with, who happened to marry a man I also went to high school with and I was friends with them both. Oddly they did not couple until a few years after high school. Looking at her about to give birth to her second baby and celebrating her 6 th wedding anniversary, I could not help but scream out in a little internal anguish.

Granted I have been busy. I get that, and I am by no means belittling my accomplishments, but I am beginning to wonder if the accomplishments I have made are the ones I really wanted. As most of you know marriage has never been at the top of my list of priorities, but at 31 I thought I would either be married or on my way to marriage, and right now it still looks like it might not happen. Now on to the real kicker, children....hmmm....I have never really wanted children, but as I have grown older, I have grown more ready to make a compromise with regard to it for the right partner. Meaning if I met my soulmate and our one point of contention was children, I would be willing to compromise on the children issue. Sigh. Well now I feel some emptiness because well....here I am unmarried, in a not even 6 month old relationship, childless, and well not really having ever had someone to truly share my life with I think I am lonely.

I have had the great benefit of traveling all sorts of places, but always alone. so many of my milestones have been made alone, even when I was involved in a relationship that I thought was on the path to something more, I cruelly had that rug pulled out from under me. Now I fear I may sabotage my one chance at happiness because I am not getting exactly everything I need or want from my partner. In fact, I told him what I want, and I am not sure he has the ability to give that to me. So should I walk away or should I try to compromise my wants for what he can give me.

So I admit here for the first time, pangs of jealously over where those closest to me are in their lives, and how very far I still have left to travel to get to the place that I want to be.

My monkey god-baby

I would like to take a moment and pontificate on how absolutely amazing my wonderful, beautiful friend CountMockula is. Last week she allowed me to experience the awesomeness of the birth of her perfect baby girl, Azadeh Finn Peigahi, and were that not enough today she and sweetie asked me to serve as god-parent to said monkeybaby. Now let me just say, Anti-Munkygirl as I have been known to the Lankees is ready for the job, and grateful that it does not entail guiding her religious education, although, we may throw in some spiritual education just to be on the safe side.

I just wanted to the world out there to know, that I am in love with this beautiful human being, and consider myself one of the luckiest people on the planet to be here from the beginning.

What the Fuck?

Okay so in December I quit my job. Or well...I tried. I gave my notice as in, Sorry Boss my last day will be, I have accepted a job with A & T. I had been bothered by my long commute, my abusive boss M, and the money. At the time B (my other boss) was stunned. He refused to accept my notice and we had a long drawn out conversation. I indicated that one of my motivations for the new position was more money, a closer commute, the option to work from home, and getting away from M, who basically just doesn't like women, and sometimes overestimates my abilities as an attorney often to my detriment.

At the time B agreed that my compensation was less than stellar, that I did indeed deserve access to a mysterious retirement plan, of which I have heard much but have never received any information on. Also it was agreed that the M situation had to change. At the time I was assured there would be more money, a retirement plan, more transactional work, and less litigation. So after lots of talking and a little soul searching I decided to stay on. I gave B the first quarter of 2008 to come through.

So far all I can say is WHAT THE FUCK. I have to date received no raise nor a conversation regarding the potential to make more money. I have reminded my boss about the IRA three times to no avail. I am still driving 42 miles round trip daily. I am still doing lots of work for M, and ever more work for B, which translates to more hours. And finally MY HEALTH INSURANCE WAS REDUCED. No its true. Before I paid a $20 co-pay. And now I have to pay a deductible of $1500 before I am covered. In theory my bosses will pay this $1500 over the course of ten months by depositing $150 monthly to a health savings account. Perhaps this works for people who do not use their health care coverage, funnily this is not me.

Currently my projected out of pockets will be $603 until the $1500 deductible is satisfied. Sorry people. Its called therapy. And all sorts of meds. Did you know a typical office visit is $115.00, neither did I until now. Here we are one month in, and I still don't have the $150. THIS SUCKS because I did not anticipate suddenly having to pay so much out of pocket.

Someone please tell me what to do? I have none of these "promises" in writing (a lesson learned)...I feel like I got screwed, especially in light of the fact the new attorney who has been there 6 weeks makes $50,000 more than me, annually. Yes its true, she is worth two people to my one. Bitch.

So all you savvy career people, help me with my negotiation skills here! I gave up all the power!

I'm BAAAAACKKKKKKK....

So I'm back. After a year long hiatus from the rigors of blogging I am back. I was inspired by so many things, Mockula's impending birth, CUSS' infamous author visiting our fine town and realizing she is the East Coast me, and a general need to purge all of my thought and wisdom and subjecting the rest of it to you.

Let's see how shall I sum up 2007. I am a lawyer, I have been practicing a year now with the same firm and things are okay. There are things I would change but overall I am lucky.